Someone told me recently that I don't do things half-assed. That once I decide to do something I put 100% into whatever it is.
I guess that's true. I've said before that sometimes I won't do things because I don't think I will do it perfectly and I've been working on that. So I've been thinking about this half-assed thing. Maybe that's why I quit things to. Maybe if I'm putting in everything I have and its not turning out to my expectations I quit it? I hope that's not true about myself but I'm not sure. I mean I have taken on some pretty major things the last 6 months or so and some are not going exactly as I've planned and it hasn't crossed my mind at all to quit it. I've tossed around ideas of how to tweak things to make things go the way I ultimately see them going however not thought of quitting.
Today however I kind of feel like this idea just hit me upside the head. I have had an idea how something should be going and put everything I have into it. Nurturing it and investing my energy and time into it with a bigger goal in mind. Over the last few months things have started to change there. Nothing obvious or overnight but slowly. Today was like the final big change that made me realize everything was different and maybe I've wasted a lot of time and energy. My initial thought process was that it was time to move onto something else (see how I do that). That I wasn't good enough for this situation. That perhaps it was time to give it a go where my efforts would be met equally and we could work toward a common goal.
That's nuts! So what if my idea of how it should go are not the reality. I might not be the person that is needed. I pride myself on how loyal I am to people and I don't always give that loyalty easily but when I do I invest all into it and often times set unrealistic expectations. I don't have to be a big deal at everything I do. I guess sometimes its OK to just be and just do.
Now as I reread that it doesn't make a whole lot of sense except to me. I get what I'm saying.
The truth is right now I'm having the biggest petty party for myself and its stupid. The fact that I looked and was seconds away from booking a flight to Florida for a long weekend so I could run away and not deal with it for a few days is stupid. The whole situation is stupid.
So enough of feeling less than good enough because in reality I might not be for some but I am being the best I can be. Doing the best I can do. Real people that are supposed to be in my life will embrace that and together we will kick ass!
