Super impressed with how my summer projects turned out. My garden produced more than I could have imagined. I am already planning next years.
Since my last post on here my new work merged with my old. Or rather old with new. Its been an exciting time going through the changes. Busy but exciting. Its only been a few months and things are starting to settle down. I imagine in 3 more months it will work like a well oiled machine. Its exciting to work for such a big practice and be on the cutting edge of office care in our area.
I have always struggled with my weight. A little over 10 years ago I dropped a bunch of weight and was at my ideal place. There were however a few problems with that. The first problem was I lost so much weight by the aid of epinephrine. I was at a point that I couldn't take any more than I already was without serious health issues. Also I watched a loved one become addicted to it and I didn't want that to be me. So I slowly weaned myself off of it.
Another problem I had is one that I don't really talk much about and its only because no one reads this that I am going to now. I have been shy and insecure my whole life. Once I lost weight people started to notice me. All of a sudden people that normally would not speak to me suddenly would. When I was heavier I could be standing in a group and if someone started talking to that group they would talk to the skinny one of the group. At first I didn't really notice but as it happened more and more I thought about how I react in similar situations. I usually direct my attention to the slimmer person. Probably because we assume the skinnier person is healthier and therefore smarter. As well as more out going. Complete crap I know but just an observation.
As a shy and insecure person the attention made me uncomfortable.
As I stopped the medication and changed to a stressful job at the time with long hours and a ton of responsibilities the weight started to creep back on. Before I knew what was happening I was at an all time high for me. It was easy for me not to pay attention to it. I was building a relationship with Jeff, jobs changed, school, and best of all people stopped noticing me.
Not all people mind you. It absolutely amazes me how grown men can be so stupid when it comes to women. I can't even tell you how many times a married man that we know will say to me something along the lines of if anything ever happens to his wife he'd take good care of me. Like old men. Then there are the ones that like to assume they can just throw out a random offer for sex and I would happily jump on that. Its almost comical the things I hear. News flash.... I'm not interested in a random roll in the hay that will probably be way more fun for you than me. Try acting interested in anything about me and maybe I might not be so offended. Most girls aren't looking for someone to screw them with your to old, out of shape member that probably can't perform as well as you think it can. We want a partner. Someone that celebrates with us and understands us. Not a quickie. Well that is another days topic.
Anyway.... where was I..... oh yeah. I got fat. Fast forward a few years of loosing and gaining the same 15 pounds and getting more and more unhealthy and here I am. About the end of august I had some blood work done. My cholesterol was through the roof, my blood pressure was high. I was depressed, prediabetic. And afraid. My dad died so young from self inflicted heart issues. My Mom has had heart issues. My family has a strong history of heart issues and diabetes and here I have been taking my life and health for granted.
The same day I saw a post on Facebook that a local personal trainer was offering a total body transformation. It included everything I was looking for to make a drastic change in my life. Right away I sent him a message and since then nothings been the same.
Admittedly the first month was just trying to get used to the new muscles I was using and food I was eating. Now I feel freaking amazing! My energy is through the roof, although I am still exhausted at night. My blood pressure has been better than normal. Depression feelings gone. Anxiety is non existent basically. I will be doing blood work in a couple of weeks to check cholesterol. Best thing is I have done this all drug free. I have done things I never even knew existed before or thought I could do. The first time Brian said I was going to do 125# on the leg press the only things running through my mind were what the hell is a leg press and dont you think that's a bit much weight. I have no idea what I am up to on that now but each time I do it I am smiling inside, patting myself on the back saying Wow you fucking Rock!!! Of course I am a bit more reserved in front of him. Sometimes I do cardio with his wife and I sprint up that stupid hill that feels like its miles long and I'm out of breath sweating like a whore in church but inside I'm giving myself a high-five. Every week he teaches me more and more about myself.
Friday morning he asked me if I wanted to participate in a dead lift challenge he was having at his gym for the humane society. Instantly I said no. I mean I have only dead lifted once in my life and I sure as heck didn't want to do it in front of other people. Then I left and realized I did really want to do it. So I told him if I could find sponsors I would. Sure enough everyone I asked did so I was locked in. Saturday came and after my workout it was time for the challenge. My stomach was full of butterflies but it wasn't because I was afraid of the lifting.....it was because I looked like shit and still feel so insecure in my own body. Goofy I know. Anyway I did it. The one time before the challenge I did the dead lift I did 95 pounds. For the challenge I did 175 pounds. Pretty impressed with myself. I'll attach a picture here. Super embarrassed by it. You know when your doing something like that you feel like you look like some strong super human goddess. Reality is you look like someone that is working on getting healthy who is lifting a really heavy bar off the ground. Still proud that I did it!
Actually I'm not embarrassed by my picture. A month ago I wouldn't even have let anyone talk me into it. I am so proud that I have come this far. I dont know what my total so far is but I do know when I went to try on jeans today I was down 4 sizes! That's amazing.
All I can say is stay tuned!
